Intercourse with a Focus on Fertility: Is It Possible?
The term "life is not fair" seems to mean a lot when talking about human fertility. People who don't want to get pregnant tend to be the ones who do, and people who do want to get pregnant seem to be the ones who don't. Couples who really desire kids but can't get pregnant month after month know this better than anybody else. Is there anything else these couples can do as time goes on? Yes!
After talking to hundreds of couples who kept detailed records of the woman's fertile days and the days they had sex, it is very clear that: (a) most couples think they are doing a good job of having sex on all the right days, and (b) the vast majority are completely missing the boat!
What makes Fertility Focused Intercourse so hard?
Let's start with the basics of how women's reproductive cycles work. First, women who are normally fertile don't get pregnant very often. From a biological point of view, the most fertile woman on Earth can only get pregnant between 5 and 6 days of her menstrual cycle. If a woman has less fertility, she might only have 2 or 3 days that are really fertile. Simple math shows that if there are only 3 days per month to get pregnant, there are only 36 days left at the end of the year. Second, not all days that you can get pregnant are the same. The day of ovulation is thought to be the most fertile day of the menstrual cycle, but there is never a 100% chance of getting pregnant!
When does ovulation happen?
Ovulation usually happens about 14 days following the first day of the menstrual cycle. Vollman's classic research of 14,848 menstrual cycles found that ovulation, as shown by a change in basal body temperature, happened on day 14 in only 1,591 cycles (10.7%). So, in this case, the exception is much more prevalent than the rule. There is no such thing as a typical menstrual cycle that lasts 28 days. The first step in having sex that is focused on getting pregnant is to forget about the calendar and find a way to tell when ovulation really happens.
You can "detect" the day of ovulation in a number of ways, such as checking for cervical mucus, changes in your basal body temperature, or levels of LH and estrogen in your urine. Sadly, there is no way to "see" when ovulation really happens. There is always a chance of being off by at least 2 to 3 days, no matter what method you choose. This means that if you use your favorite sign of the day of ovulation to decide when to have sex, you can miss the best day to get pregnant on a regular basis.
What is the greatest time to have sex?
So what is the greatest thing to do? Sadly, healthcare professionals often give out some of the worst information. For instance, "we were told to have sex 'every other day' to 'save sperm.'" "Every month, starting on day 6, have sex for 12 days in a row." Or even worse, "You would have to have sex every day to increase your chances because you don't know when the most fertile day is." — nonsense!
From this short conversation, the greatest suggestion is to (a) pick a way to keep track of your fertility that will let you know a few days in advance when ovulation will happen. This entails keeping an eye on estrogen levels directly or how estrogen affects cervical mucus or saliva. (a) Once fertility starts, you should have sex every day until at least two days after you see ovulation. After being released, the egg can only be fertilized for a short time, about 24 hours. To give yourself the best chance, you should have sex on "the day" of ovulation.
Patterns of Intercourse
You have now correctly figured out that having sex to get pregnant is really a "labor of love." It's not easy! It may mean having sex for nine days in a row. Even couples who really want to get pregnant usually seem to miss a few prime days. Here are some useful tips:
1. Make plans ahead of time. You would tell your spouse a few days in advance if you were intending to go on a lavish date. You will also have time to get ready for the fertile days if you know they are coming.
2. Make sure you know what's most important. You might take a day off work if the doctor ordered a test to check on your fertility. Also, you would probably go through with it even if you had a headache! Shouldn't you avoid going through the same problems when your most fertile days come?
3. Seek help from a professional. Believe it or not, there are experts who can help you understand all of this and provide you useful advise. The American Academy of Fertility Care Professionals is a great place to begin.
If you and your partner have been having trouble getting pregnant, simply remember that information is power. In this scenario, having the appropriate information could even give you the power to have children! You might as well think that the question of when to have sex is the most essential one. Why? There is no medical test, operation, or surgery that can make you pregnant. If you just had surgery to fix a fertility problem, for instance, and you don't follow these steps, you could be losing money on your investment. It might not be simple to have sex that is focused on getting pregnant, but it is not impossible. You and your husband are equally accountable for this.
Have a good time!
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